HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME....HAPPY BIRTHDAY ISSAC...

Well as the needles of clock hit 12, I will turn 24 today. My age would be 24 years, wow…isn’t that amazing like times goes by so fast and I seldom realize it. I mainly remain lost most of the time in my own thoughts still figuring out what my life is all about and what do I want to do, what is that I want to achieve. My parents are confused that what their son is upto, like all my friends have started working somewhere, have reached a certain destination and here I am typing my feelings, walking around, changing buses, changing trains but I do not know where to go. It’s as if I am lost completely, as if path to my dreams has disappeared from my eye sight.    When I was born, my parents were so happy, they must have been on cloud 9 but as I grew up I gave them several reasons to be unhappy. I am like that, I make a lot of mistakes and at times fail people who expect a lot from me. At times I really don’t care, at times I feel like shit. There is so much pressure to be successful in life….huuuuuu….

In all these years I made a lot of friends but then as life went on, I lost touch with some of them, I had to kick some of them out of my life for they were quite toxic to my self esteem, some walked away from my life, I walked away from some of their lives and now its like I can count my friends on my fingers but those few friends are equivalent to a million friends. In all this years, there were several people known and unknown who helped me out in some way or the other and helped me reach wherever I am today. There were numerous instances where people hurt me, there were times when I hurt them but life keeps moving, you have to keep walking no matter how many times you fall, no matter how many accidents you see.

The biggest dilemma of life is you are forced to do things you don’t want to do, you are asked to copy others. People ask me, why do you spend hours on your lappy writing crap, what future do you have. The simple answer to their question, because I love it, so I do it.  People come and give gyaan, oh please go man, get a job, don’t fuck your life like this. Well fucking itself is an enjoyable process, isn’t it. So why not enjoy what you are doing. Fuck your life or life will fuck you, no one dies a virgin, life spares no one. So why not do something that you love and die, rather than doing something you hate and die.

I am currently living a split persona life, the life of a Winner and loser, I have some wins to my credit, I have some losses to my credit. There is so much friction among the two, a constant fight going on. My wins make me feel so special, my losses make me feel like shit. When I look into myself, I see so many flaws, sometimes these imperfections make me feel so low that I break down into tears but then I find something good in myself,I find something positive in me and I again dare to smile. I am showered with compliments at times, at times made fun of, at times very terribly insulted. Every day is so different, so contrasting.

So many days of my life passed by, so many months, so many years and like that in all together I have spent 24 years of my life on earth. This years have been full of struggles, conflicts, pressure, joy, memories, great moments and so much. When billions of humans have died before reaching 24, I feel so blessed to have lived for 24 years. This 24 years have been so full of blessings, God made me a part of so many beautiful memories, great experiences. In this 24 years, I never had to beg for food, a clothe to wear or I never had to live on the streets, neither was I sexually abused as a child, God fulfilled all my needs. I thank him for everything, I thank each and everyone who made my life a beautiful journey. What future has in store for me, I don’t know but this years have been really good and I hope better years are yet to come. I hope I leave the negatives, the bad experiences that happened in this 24 years and move ahead with the positives and good experiences.

Well I had started writing this blog yesterday but didn’t get time to complete it because before I could do that I got busy receiving wishes and thanking them, this year I got wishes in abundance, like in plenty. well I thank each one of you, who spared a few minutes of their life to wish me. love you all……. God bless…

And I actually don’t know what I have written above because thoughts are quite jumbled and shabby…quite disorganized like me…so readers….well I hope you love my jumbled thoughts….spare my mistakes…lots of love….

And well this time I have decided to gift myself a pair of woodland shoes, for past 4 years I had this desire to owe a pair of heavy indestructible woodland shoes . Finally after 4 years, I am gonna wear them…yuhooo….well to buy them…I had to spend every single penny of my pocket money but who cares…..i am finally owing them…he he he he…desires when fulfilled makes a man so happy.