A PAGE FROM SOMEONE ELSE ROMANTIC DIARY- SHE GOT A JOB AND I WAS STILL JOBLESS....HURT MY MALE EGO
Now it was not like those early good old times where we used to chat late night, sometimes talking on the phone till 4 in the morning singing romantic songs for each other. Times change so soon, she is now a working woman in a different city who is busy with her job and I am still the same “a jobless young man still living on the pocket money given to me by my parents”. The durations of calls have become less. She has to leave early in the morning and comes at 8 at night. Fully exhausted, fully tired. Our call time shifted from late night to late evening. As soon as she would leave office, she would give me a call and her journey till her house would last for half an hour. I never call her because as I said, I am a jobless man and cannot afford to call her everyday, she does always as she is the one with the job. She would then help her mother in finishing the daily chores, then have dinner and get free by 11.30 p.m and then we would end our romantic day with a brief chat on whatsapp which would end in 15-20 minutes and as she is really tired and has to wake up early next morning, I request her to go to sleep and I bid her good night with loads of kisses and thus like that goes every day.
Sometimes I feel as if there is a vacumm in my life with no job in hand and at times I feel the girl I love is slowly drifting away from me. Fear and insecurity at times frustrate me to core and I shed silent tears at times. Few days ago, her company had asked her to go to gurgaon for a 3 day seminar and there mobile phones were not allowed. She had informed me some days ago. That time I was ok with it but the day she left I actually understood the seriousness of the situation. For 3 days we couldn’t talk to each other, and I was like what the hell. All this years, there never went a single day when I didn’t hear her voice. I waited for those days to end and I thought 3 days would pass in a matter of time but with each passing hour I became obsessed with her thoughts, thinking of her. AN EMPTY MIND IS A DEVIL’S WORKSHOP and I was becoming frustrated with each passing minute, in her absence I saw every negative thing happening in my life, I looked in the mirror and cursed myself for being worthless, for being of no use to anybody. I realized all this months I was happy even though nothing exciting was happening just because she was standing by me, she was there for me with her positive words and when a girl is by your side. It always boosts your confidence. She never made me feel worthless but then in her absence I could clearly see all my flaws, the wasps of reality were biting me. I grew bitter with people around me and in these emotional turmoil I spend those 3 days.
She had said that as soon as her seminar would end, she would call me and then on the fourth day at around 8.30 pm came her call, her name flashed on my screen and I jumped with joy. I received it and we had just said a few words when her phone got disconnected. I tried to call her but everytime there was a error in connection. There was some network problem and we couldn’t talk that day. I felt like throwing away my phone and then what has to happen will happen. I was dying to talk to her. I kept calling her but every time there was an error in connection. I slept with a heavy heart that day. The next day as soon as I woke up, I tried calling her but then the network problem was still persisiting and I still couldn’t talk to her. At around 6 in the evening , I was in deep sleep when my phone started vibrating, usually I never pick up calls when I am sleeping but deep within I knew it was her who was calling me. I picked up the phone and it was she, I jumped from the bed with joy, wore my tshirt and received her call. Our talks lasted for 2 hours and I felt so relieved. I was really happy to hear her voice. It felt like I was hearing it after ages. But then I had realized by now, Love had mentally handicapped me and I really need to come out of the mess I was in. I couldn’t continue to live like this. This 3 days had shown me my flaws and weakness. I decided to get over them. I cannot live whole my help resting on the shoulders of her love. I had to discover my ownself……..make a career and prove myself…if not for others atleast to gain respect in my own eyes.
Well I really need to find a unemployed gal…..and fall in love wid her…..just to satisy my male ego…..ha ha ha ha lol….just kidding……