A PAGE FROM SOMEONE ELSE DIARY-SHE GOT ENGAGED AND I WAS STRUMMING MY GUITAR LOST IN HER MEMORIES...

We were in the same batch but we never talked, we had mutual friends but it was rare that our eyes met in school. As we passed out of school, we still remained strangers. Even during the farewell, we didn’t click a pic together. We were strangers but destiny always has it own plots, own games. After 1 year, I got a friend request from her. I gladly accepted it, for a change she looked beautiful and I was glad to add a beauty to my friend list. We started talking, we were cities apart. She was in Bangalore, I was in Mumbai but there was some connection and we had a lot of stuff to talk about that we couldn’t when we were in school. We developed an instant liking for each other, she was an allrounder and could sing, dance, paint, cook and do what not. I loved playing guitar and used to sing songs for her. She always loved it to core. .She always encouraged me , everytime I composed a song and she used to say,” sweetheart you will make it big one day” and I always used to cherish her words. With her, it was the most wonderful long distance relationship I ever had.

There was a thirst to meet each other, a hunger to devour each other but then things are never that easy. One day luck favoured our desire and I got a chance to go to Bangalore to attend a 3 day seminar, I was to represent my college along with my batch mates but then I was least bothered to represent my college, it was a golden chance to meet her and I didn’t want to let it go. I informed her and she was equally ecstatic about meeting me. as I left Mumbai, I was counting hours and was eager to meet her. I reached Bangalore and texted her that I have reached. She replied back, so Mr ready for some live action. I said yeah. When I reached, it was late midnight so was really tired and as we reached our hotel, I went to sleep. As I woke up and did my daily chores, the plan was made, as the first day was important and I could not risk bunking it, I called her and said, we would be meeting in the evening. I gave her my location and she agreed to pick me up.  I was counting my hours again once my registration was done. Those hours looked like years, and I was getting desperate. As the clock struck 5, I ran out and reached the place, she was waiting for me. we looked at each other and that moment I could never forget. It was a moment of happiness, a moment full of love, a moment that was awaited for so many years, so many months, so many days, so many hours, so many minutes, so many seconds. The hour to meet, that hour had come. We both had tears in our eyes and we ran towards each other and collided into each other’s arms.  We hugged each other tightly and cried out of happiness and ecstasy. As I took her face in my arms, I wiped her tears and looked at her carefully. She was beautiful, very beautiful, those eyes full of love, her silky hairs that were dancing in the breeze, those lusty lips….aaahhh with every moment passing by, I was getting crazy for her. I pushed her towards myself and held her back firmly. I brushed my lips with her and gave her a peck. She gave me a peck back and then slowly our lips were inseparable, we were exploring each other, our tongues were fighting the erotic battle of love and he battle  lasted for minutes till we panted for breathe. We smiled at each other and I took her arms and we had a evening walk at a nearby park. We wanted to talk so much, but we were running short of words, words were not coming and for half an hour it was just an awkard silence that followed after the kiss.  But then someone had to break the ice, I told her how beautiful she was and described her in a song that came in my mind, the song I sung was “ ek ladki ko dekha to AISA Laga jaise….la la la la la” and she was blushing. I spent time with her till 7, that was when I got a call from my teacher and I was told to report immediately. We made the plan for the next day, I was to bunk the second day and spend a  whole day with her at her place as no one would be their at her house. We departed after some time.

The next days that followed were one of the best days of my life, i bunked the seminar the second day and she came to pick me up, I had took my guitar along and I would be giving a live performance before her. as we reached her place, and as I kept my belongings down. As we stared at each other, I guess both was knew what was to be followed, within a few moments, we had ripped each other’s clothes and we were exploring each other. As it was our first attempt, it was not perfect but still the passion was strong and we were crazy for each other. After trying out for a while we succeeded., as we were done, we were lying alongside each other, I kept staring at her naked body. Without clothes she looked like a sex goddess. there was a feeling of guilt in me, but I brushed it aside.  Suddenly I felt like an urge to sing, to sing for her. I took my guitar and began strumming it, and sung the song,” chura liya hai tumne jo Dil ko, Nazar nahi churana sanam….”. She looked at me with tears and hugged me tightly as I finished the song. Her naked boobs collided with my chest and it gave me an erection. We had another session of sex. As we rested on each other’s arms,  we talked a lot on random topics. I was madly in love with her , I kissed her forehead and hugged her tightly with a promise that I won’t ever leave her.  We fell asleep and woke up at 3 pm afternoon. She cooked lunch for me and we had lunch together. I must say, she was a bad cook. She had made Macaroni and it tasted really bad but still I ate it and complimented her on her cooking skills . after lunch, I took out my guitar and again hummed songs for her. this time she too joined me and we sang together in chorus. It was the best time spent together and I would cherish it all my life. It was time for me to leave now, it was evening and I had to reach early this time, so that I am present for the last session. She dropped me back to my place and before we departed, we kissed . the kiss was full of love, but the separation was filled with pain.

As I went back, I could not stop thinking of her. I couldn’t think of anything else. I was surprised that I had lost my virginity for real. I was happy beyond limits, I was in such a state that even if someone came and killed me, I would have died in peace. The next day, I had to leave at 3 p.m  so there was not much time left. I packed my belongings and asked her to pick me up at 9. I informed the authorities that, I will reach the station myself as I am going to meet a friend of mine. I texted her to pick me up, she came at 9.30 and we planned to go for a long drive. We visited the ulsoor lake and I must say, the lake is a beauty, I saw a lot of couples there. We did some boating there and while boating, she appeared gloomy. I knew she was not happy with me going so soon, but then some things are not in our hands. We didn’t talk much, there was a strange silence between us. I just took her hands in mine and promised he, I won’t leave her. She just smiled, I was puzzled what was going in her mind but girls are like that sometimes. They act weird, and you don’t know why. They will never tell you.

As the clock struck 1 we left that beautiful place and I took her out for a coffee date. Time was running short, I had asked my friend to take my bag with me, so I was not worried about it. We reached the station by 2:30, the train was on time. Before leaving, we gave each other a final hug and my friends around me understood, why I was bunking my classes. I was going back with those love bites and thoise beautiful memories, she gave me in this 3 days. I realized, its not how much time you have but its about how you spend it.

Back home, everything was going on well between us. after thos e 3 wonderful days, we had got more closer to each other. Even I her absence, I could feel her smell, her soul around me.  I was completely smitten by her. With time, Our bond grew stronger .We did fight at times but then those fights became a reason to cajole each other and love each other more.  She was perfect for me and I knew it, and we were perfect together.

5 years passed by loving each other, fighting each other. Cajoling each other, feeling each other…….there were problems but we managed. She was doing her MBA and I was doing my PG in mass communications. But then one day came the big question, a question that every couple has to face someday in their life, i.e MARRIAGE. The question of “ are you ready to take the relation to the next level ?” are you ready to tie the knot with her”. That’s when reality hits you hard and you are confused what to do. You don’t know how to tackle it because you never thought of it before.

Life was going so well like a perfect romantic story, that’s when she started getting marriage proposals, that was normal as she was already 23 years old and girls start getting marriage proposals as they reach their twenties.  I felt sick though, but then I was ok with it, even if proposals are coming her way, she is not going anywhere, she won’t leave me. the day I settle down, I will marry her but marrying her now was out of question, I was not ready for it at all. I couldn’t see myself marrying and raising a family in my early twenties. I had a lot of dreams to fulfill. She asked me that if I was ready for marriage, I said I was not ready. I thought the problem was solved until one day her parents showed her horoscope to a well known pandit who was famous for his prophesies. He said, that you should get your daughter married as soon as possible before she turns 24 because if you don’t, there would be some serious troubles in her life and that ended it, the peaceful phase of our relation came to an halt. The prophesy of that pandit screwed my relation, My life.

From that day onwards, her parents started looking for a perfect groom for their daughter and from here on she started pressing me to marry her, to ask her hand, to talk to her dad. I constantly refused, that I cannot and I am not prepared for it. She said, that even I am not prepared but I am not ready to spend my life with another man whom I rarely know, I want to live with you, I want to spend my life with you. I was confused and it was situation that I was not capable enough to handle. I had no idea what to do, where to go. She was a hindu Brahmin, I a christian how was it possible. I was not settled, had no job, I was a big zero,  living on the money of my parents, even if I married where would I keep her, how would I face her, was marriage feasible between us, I didn’t want to hurt my parents neither I wanted to hurt her. I asked her to convince her parents to wait for some years and once I get settled, I will surely come and take you with me and we will live happily but she said her parents were adamant. She said, that you just hold my hand, we will face it together, whatever difficulties may come but I still was not convinced. I feared my parents, the society and moreover when I look into the mirror, I myself never felt capable of marrying someone and raising a family, I couldn’t imagine myself doing something like that. For me I was still a boy who was yet to become a man.

Our fights increased with each passing day, she kept shouting, pleading, requesting but I just could not gather courage. She called me spineless, a man who had no guts, who had no balls to take a decision but   I just thought, may be everything will be alright one day, may be everything would be back to normal one day. Eventually one day she gave up on me and broke up with me,  calling me a man who used her for his physical needs, a man who played with his emotions, a man who broke her trust, a man who never wanted to marry her at first place. I tried to hold her back, I pleaded, I apologized but it was of no use, she was getting onto my nerves and out of anger, I blasted all my vented anger on her, that I could not marry when she wanted, when I am not ready for marriage, how can I do it at first place. I am not ready today that doesn’t mean that I won’t marry her tomorrow, It was just that I needed some time. She just said, that if you don’t wish to marry me today, you won’t wish it tomorrow too…wishes don’t change overnight…..its over….for me you don’t exist..bye God bless you….and she was gone.

For the first few days, I didn’t feel the pain but with each passing day, I started experiencing the void she had created in my life. I felt terrible, I was not able to eat or drink properly. Even my guitar couldn’t cherish my mood. With each passing day, I missed her more badly, I texted her, called her, but there was no response. She had turned into a stone that had no feelings. my heart like a glass had broken into pieces and those sharp pieces were hurting me. Her memories made me bitter, There were days when I used to cry inconsolably. I became rude with my parents because I thought, indirectly they were the reason, why I was living such a miserable life, a life devoid of love. Those miserable days, I started drinking frequently. With each day, the depression got larger and my mind was going through the darkest times, more the depression, more was the amount of alcohol consumed. Smoking weed gave me peace, getting lost into a all together different world gave me peace. I just wanted to escape, to run away from her memories. She was so beautiful damn,her lovely face, those beautiful eyes, her long hairs,her breasts, her navel,  her curves, her thighs…everything was so wonderful….her sexy dance moves….her melodious voice and those long hours of playing guitar and singing with her….those moments of dancing with her…..oh I was so madly in love with her….i was so crazy about her..oh what a wonderful girl she was…..once upon time she had loved me so much but she had gone now….gone far away…

And then one day she called me, I was mad with happiness but then when I received her call, she said she was getting engaged tomorrow and for the last time she wanted to talk to me. for a while she asked me, how I was doing, I said I am doing fine and for a while she sounded sober but then suddenly she broke down and started blubbering to make me from here, she just doesn’t wants to get married, she wants to live freely, independently, she wanted to live with me, to sing with me, to dance with me and I couldn’t take it any longer, and broke down into tears. We cried together for a while, may be for the last time. I had nothing to say….i didn’t knew what to say but then asked her to meet me for the last time but she refused and said,” lets face it, I will be someone else wife tommorrow…..you are a dog…and I don’t know how I fell in love with you..you bastard……I love you and I always will….and the call was disconnected. I tried calling her back but she was unreachable. My life was shattered.

The day she got engaged, I strummed my guitar lost in her memories. She was my muse…my first muse….and she would always be…..i saw her engagement pics on facebook and it made me sick. Within a few days, she got married too and I saw her marriages pics…she looked happy…even though I was not happy to see her with another man…I was not sure whether she was happy too but the guy looked decent…she was in safe hands and may be he deserved her more than me…may be MARRIAGES ARE MADE IN HEAVEN…AND I WAS A DEVIL WHO DEFILED AN ANGEL….I had made a mess of my life …..i had to resurrect it back…..i had to join back those broken pieces to live again....Jesus knows I never wanted to leave her……my Lord knows it...