AFTER 15 LONG YEARS, FINALLY I CONFESSED MY LOVE TO HER....
After a long gap of almost 15 years, we met each other finally. The meeting place was the same old park where we used to meet and play during our childhood and teen days. The park hadn’t changed much except that some benches were added rest everything was the same though things there had become old and fragile with time. we had changed a lot in all this years, from careless teens we had turned into mature individuals who feared the society and people around them. Childhood friends we were, who became great buddies during our teens, our’s was a friendship that could have blossomed into a love story but failed to do so because may be we both feared of getting rejected and losing all those moments of friendship that we had accumulated in all this years. Our friendship lasted for almost 12 years till I left my city to pursue my dreams. We lost connect and almost forgot each other until facebook resurrected our friendship and we were back again chatting, teasing each other, remembering those good old times in our conversations. In all this years away from, I realized she was my first love, a 1000 times my heart confessed it, I could never forget her. I knew in all the games we played and of all the time we had spent together, I had fallen in love with her unknowingly. I could never say that to her, never had the guts to admit it and lost the battle of love without fighting it.
And now here we were back again, in all this years things had changed so much, she was going through a broken marriage, she parted ways with her husband a year ago and in all this years I fell in love several times, broke my heart every time and now I was back to her again, to test whether the confessions of my heart were true or just mere illusions of a lonely heart.
She was standing before me and all these years had transformed her into a woman. Though she lost her innocence and her cute childish smile, her eyes remained the same as ever, deep and wet as if hidden within them were a 1000 tales of sorrow and pain. She looked beautiful though and in her now was a rare attraction that drew me towards her.
I took her near a bench and asked her to take a seat, she refused and said, first let’s have a walk and go to our church, I want to pray. I said, ok and together we walked to the nearby church. This was the same church where we together lighted so many candles, offered so many prayers during our childhood and teens. This was the same place that gave us hope during times of despair and we were back here after so many years and that too together. Was it a coincidence or a sign from Heavenly Father?.
We lighted candles before the grotto of Mother Mary and knelt down and prayed, i prayed to give me strength to confess my feelings to her and I trembled with the very thought of getting rejected by her but somewhere from an unknown corner of my heart came a ray of hope. We stood up as we were done with our prayers. I asked her what she had prayed for, she said well I am not telling you that and smiled. We came out of the holy place and walked straight to a nearby café.
I sat there looking at her, she looked into my eyes and I looked into her and my heart said, this is the moment, go ahead, say it. “ I want to give you something,” I said and I took out a red pouch that I had kept with me for all this years and gave it to her. She looked at me and asked, “ what is it”. I said, open it for yourself and see.
She opened it and in it was an old rosary, with black beads and a cross hanging to it. She gave me a surprised look.
It’s yours, I revealed. My heart began to beat fast, and I felt it. but ignoring it I began, One day it was autumn, just like it is now, and we must have been 16 then, I was sitting with you on a bench in the same park where we stood some moments ago.
“I was going to tell you something, something I had rehearsed for weeks. But as soon as I began, you told me that you had lost your rosary at the church, the same church where we prayed some moments ago. And then you asked me to see if I could find it there.”
She looked at me amazed and said, oh yes I do, I remember that day very well, I remember it and yes you never found it, you said.
“I did find it, but when I returned back back, I no longer had the courage to say what I had rehearsed. So I promised myself that I would return your rosary to you only when I was able to complete the sentence that I would began that day almost 15 years ago. For a long time I have tried to forget it, but it’s always there. I can’t live with it any longer.” I confessed.
From her look, I could make out that she had sensed what I was about to say but she still asked, and what was it that you wanted to say.
I put down my coffee, lit a cigarette and looked at the ceiling for a long time. then I turned to her and said,” it’s a very simple sentence, ” I love you”. that was all I wanted to say.
She sat there staring at me, I smiled at her and winked. Finally I had spoken the truth to her….aaaaah I felt so relieved….